The 1st Barrier

My running since college has been a lot like the first half lap of a steeplechase.  The gun goes off and you don’t quite realize you're racing.  You’re still playing out the race in your head, visualizing how everything is supposed to go, and all the ways that can change if you fall on your face.  Then, even though it’s extremely pointless, you worry about where everyone else is and if the pace is too relaxed.  And then all of a sudden it’s there.  As if no one told you there were going to barriers, it comes out of nowhere.  

I’ve come upon my first barrier.  Clearing my first barrier is about regaining focus.  Up until now it’s like I have been in the race technically, but my mind is still distracted by all the possibilities and choices.  Should I be increasing my mileage or doing more workouts?  Should I ski more, bike more, swim more.  Do I want to specialize in running?  If so, should I focus on road racing, or cross country, or track, or all three?  Should I run with the collegiate runners or on my own?  Today I decided to do a threshold run, but it wasn’t until a couple minutes in to the threshold that I decided to do a single block without recovery, and it wasn’t until I checked my watch at 23 minutes that I decided I should do a total of 30 minutes.  I have been making things up as I go, which isn’t all bad, but I think there is something valuable in having a plan and executing it.  It helps build confidence and avoid distractions.

A year ago, I was on a mission.  I was not concerned with my grades, or my future, or a social life, or boys.  Everything I did was for one purpose, to make my legs move that slightest bit faster as to achieve the list of goals that I thought I NEEDED to be the person I knew I could be.  Simply put, I was self-absorbed, but at least I knew what I wanted and believed I deserved.

Now, I miss the simplicity of having clear priorities, having real structure to my life and my training, having goals that define me, and give purpose to what I do.  Every competition I’ve done since running for Carleton has been about feeling out where my fitness is at.  I miss running for a team, for a pr, for a qualifying time, for a record.  I’m competitive, especially against myself.  Which is why the first half lap of the steeplechase is my least favorite part, I need to get over that first barrier and get on with the show.

It’s the first barrier that I think keeps most runners out of the sport.  They get lost somewhere in the first half lap.  They get distracted or scared or for whatever reason don’t have the competitive drive to take the first leap.  Because once you get over that first barrier you know you’re in the race, you’re hooked, and there is no turning back.  One you get over you know you belong there and even though the barriers that follow get progressively more difficult at least your focused and understand what has to be done.

So, “Let’s just do this already!”