Since I've last posted (a long time ago, I know) there have been a lot of things I've wanted to write about but I can never put these things into words in a way that does justice to the complexity of my experience of them. So to break my writer's block, I'm going back to my tried and true expression by quoting song lyrics. Thanks OneRepublic.
For those days we felt like a mistake,
Those times when love's what you hate,
We keep marching on.
We all have those days we feel like a lost cause, like all that we've done will never be enough. We learn that passion and desire is nothing but painful. Still, we can't help but make that same mistake of loving and want too much.
For those nights when I couldn't be there,
I've made it harder to know that you know,
We'll keep moving on.
I've certainly been here too. Those times I kick myself for not saying the things I should. I'm extremely reserved, most people call it shy, but think reserved sounds better. Either way it disconnects me. There are more nights than not that I kick myself for not making a critical connection and knowing that there is no truly acceptably reason I couldn't be there.
There's so many wars we fought,
There's so many things were not,
But with what we have,
I promise you that,
We're marching on,
You may not be reserved like I am. But we all have our reason for not being who we want. There are so many things we're not, but we have a lot more than we know. There so many great things that make each of us who we are, that have gotten us to were we are, and that will keep us in the chase.
For all of the plans we've made,
There isn't a flag I'd wave,
Don't care if we bend,
I'd sink us to swim,
We're marching on,
This is by far my favorite verse. For all of you that are graduating, or going though major life changes, losses, or failures, this attitude is everything. You can't learn and thrive from floating along, you have sink to swim. Most things that scare you won't kill you, they force you to grow. We often bite more than we can chew, but if we wait until we are ready to handle things comfortably we get left behind.
For those doubts that swirl all around us,
For those lives that tear at the seams,
We're not what we've seen,
For this dance we'll move with each other.
There ain't no other step than one foot,
Right in front of the other.
Everyone struggles with what direction to take with their life. Naturally, we doubt. At the same time we fear where we are going, we fear, even more, standing still. Our faith is drawn from one another. We are never in it alone, everyone is moving forward the only way the know how.
We'll have the days we break,
And we'll have the scars to prove it,
We'll have the bonds that we save,
But we'll have the heart not to lose it.
For all of the times we've stopped,
For all of the things I'm not.
Over the past few months I've been finishing up graduate school, searching for employment, developing as a young coach, observing good friends chase goals, some successfully, others not as much. I myself have done my share of chasing and failing. There were times I "stopped." Failure is paralyzing and it makes you realize how perfect you're not. Through it all, I've been thinking about my future and the future of those around me, longing for a time when we feel settled when we can float for awhile, not sinking or swimming. A time when every step doesn't have so much influence over the direction we're moving and the place we'll end up. But I think this longing is naive. No matter were you are in life each step makes a difference in where you end up, its just times like these when you're reminded how many paths there are and that we can change direction at moment. This may sound crazy but knowing that inevitably "we'll have the days we break and the scares to prove it" is reassuring. The things and people I love the most are the ones that I've been through the worst with. Its the disappointments, the scars, the bonds, that ultimately motivate us to strive for more, for different directions. Goals won weaken the heart with complacency. In the end the strength to get up and create bigger and better goals, to move, and to grow are born out of mistakes and obstacles.
Right, right, right, right left right,
Right, right, right, left, right,
We're marching on
For all those renewing the chase